Monday, June 20, 2011

The problem with today's society.

When I was younger I heard stories of princesses and brave knights. Of evil witches and dark dragons that roamed the night. Today... you hear of a woman who has 3 kids and 10 possible fathers. You hear of 16 year olds having reality shows of them and their children. Nothing is like it was before. Everything is different.
This is obvious though, nothing ever stays the same, even when you think it does... it really doesn't. Everything transforms gradually over time.

The thought of raising my children in today's society almost frightens me. Nowadays, when sex and drug abuse are so prevalent and magic and manners are so rare.
Don't get me wrong, I don't think sex should be taboo, and I don't think drug abuse should be concealed.
But there is a fine line when it comes to kids.

Sex shouldn't be brought up so quickly when raising a child.

Drug abuse shouldn't exist in their minds until a certain age as well.

I believe we should let kids be kids.

Let them believe in magic, let them believe in fairy tales, let them watch a big purple dinosaur dance around and sing. Let them grow up being innocent. Don't worry, in today's world, they'll learn nothing is perfect, but... as they're growing let them just see the world as their playground, as a fantastic place to be, because when they're finally smacked with reality... they'll cherish the memories of that fairytale dreamland they grew up in.
Maybe I'm being old-fashioned, maybe I'm being narrow-minded, but this is just for me.
Now, don't get me wrong, my kids will learn right from wrong.
They'll watch movies where they may see violence, and have to leave during a sex scene.
They'll probably play video games that use cursing and guns of disproportionate size.

But all in time.

Not right away.
I want them to be innocent while they can.


I miss those days when I was innocent, and I'm sure most of you do as well.

Don't you miss not being afraid of anything?
Not being so intimidated?
Seeing the world as this beautiful place, where anything you could imagine is just around the corner, and magic happens even in the slightest of ways, and you can actually imagine magic in greater ways as well.

That's all.

I just think it's a shame how different the world is today than it was about 10 years ago.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Stubborn, curious, puppy!


As many of you know, who DO know me, I tend to "look over the fence" a lot.
For those who don't understand the metaphorical term it means compare myself and life to others, which is generally intentionally done and not needed.

I realize it's ridiculous, ESPECIALLY now.
It only hurts me and makes me mad. It puts me in a mood to the point where those around me want nothing to do with me. I get in a funk that is almost near impossible to get out. I mope and want nothing but sympathy. This is unlike me. I hate being pitied. That's how you know something's wrong.

The horirble thing is, most of the time...  These people's lifes aren't all that splendid as I'm making them out to be, in fact what I'm getting upset over is ridiculous and unimportant. Sure.. They're talking to this person and that person never talks to me. Sure... They got their hair done and it looks great in that photo and everyone is complimenting them for it.Sure... They're in a relationship and I'm single..

Stupid. Pointless. Stuff.
Who CARES if that person is talking to them and not me. Fuck that person. If they're not talking to me, do I honestly WANT them talking to me.
So what if they had a good hair day and people are gushing.. Do I need to be an attention whore? No. If I'm having a good hair day, at least I can apprecaite it.
Does it matter if their in a relationship and I'm single. Whose to say if it's even a good realtionship. And hell, I'm not tied down, I can do whatevs I want!

It's stuff like this that pisses me off, the small, unimportant, stupid stuff.
Sure the bigger things get to me too, but the smaller stuff is generally what erks me.

But.. Whose to say no one has looked over my fence and thought the same thing.
I never think of that.
Hell, maybe MY grass is actually greener then those I think have the better lawn!?
I don't know their entire story, I could actually have the better lawn. Who knnows!?

And the more I think about it.. The more I think, hey, my yard isn't actually half bad.
I'm currently happy.
Planning on going to college in the fall.
Looking for a Summer job.
Spending time with people who I actually matter to.
Experimenting with things I've always wanted to try.
Mingling.
Flirting.
Acting.
Writing.
I have an amazingly supportive family.
I'm healthy.
And... so much more.
Maybe my yard is better.
And who cares anyway... As long as I stay content with my yard.
I need to stop being that obnoxious little puppy running around and around trying to see what the other dog is doing and if their yard is better then mine.
This puppy has a pretty great life.
Sure... sometimes it's dull, sometimes things don't exactly go my way... but... things could always be better.
However, I'm content right? Yes. So.. My yard is pretty bad ass!
Who gives a fuck about the other dog. Who cares what is over the fence. I have grass of my own to worry about. I can MAKE it greener instead of being so curious and jealous (green! Aha!). So.. instead of worrying about what others have. I should worry about my life and making it the best it can be.

The point of this blog?
Love you. Love your life. Don't worry about anyone else. Don't compare yourself to anyone else. You have one thing no one else has. YOUR life. You're in charge of it. You can set your path. You can change it. You cna make it anyway you want. Don't compare! That wastes valuable time you have to make your life amazng!

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Back into the swing of passion.

I constantly find myself wanting to write, write like there's no tomorrow.
The way I used to write, actually.

I used to write every day.  I loved it.  It was an obsession, a passion.
I wrote poems, stories, thoughts, ideas, blogs, and just random things... Now, I barely touch a pen, open a blank word document, or have any creative flow in me.

I wonder why, and it upsets me to no end.  I used to be so passionate about writing.  What happened?
Every day I think back to when it was so important to me.
Why did it suddenly die out?
Has it?
I guess I'll never truly know.

So yes, I'm writing about me wanting to write.
It seems kind of silly if you think about it, but every little bit of documenting to get me back on track to my old ways helps.

You see, I started this blog to get back on track.
To become the Tatlyn I used to be.
The one who had so much creativity in her
I miss that Tatlyn.

I find myself thinking every day, "What should I blog about?  I need to get a move on".
So... Why not blog about how much writing had meant to me, and how I really need to try my hardest to get it back to that important point.

So, maybe this blog will be very dull to some of you, but to those of you who know how much I used to write, and how much it meant to me before, you will understand and not mind this.  I thank you.

My writing obsession began at a young age and only developed further over time.  It hit its peak at fifth grade, when I met my first teacher at MaST.  Ms. Wallitch (I was never able to spell her name, and I never will be able to, which is unfortunate because she was such an inspiration to me. I only wish I could do her that much justice.)

Ms. W believed in me.  She assigned weekly writing projects.  I was always eager to do them.  One of the projects will forever stick out to me because it was what brought me to the point where I knew exactly what I wanted to accomplish when I got older.  To at least write one solid novel.  The task was to write about something very important to us.  Something that represented us perfectly.  Something we valued. Almost all the students wrote about objects.  Games, CD’s, their ID cards for school and such.  I chose to step out of the box.  I wrote about my eyes. I wrote on and on about how they were incredibly dear to me, because it was the one trait my mother had passed onto me and how I was her only child with her eyes.  I remember my parents going up to discuss my progress report, it was a mandatory thing for all the students.  Ms. W spoke to them about all my subjects, about how well I was doing, about how lively and bubbly I was in class, and then... she pulled out the essay.  My mother and my father had not known about this project, so this was new to them.  She read it aloud to them, in an extremely proud and almost emotionally touched voice.  She told my mom that she was completely taken aback after reading my essay.  That my words had moved her.  That I wrote beautifully.  That I had been the only child in her class to write about something like this.  She gushed on and on to my parents about how talented I was, and how she knew one day I would change the world with my words.  My parents were completely taken aback with her enthusiasm and almost in awe.  It was Ms. W who encouraged me to continue writing, and she pushed me to get better grades, making me into an honor student.  By the end of the year, I had straight A's and was on a day-to-day writing kick.  She signed my year book stating "To my creative writer and author in the making" with a heartfelt message about how my words were inspiring and to never stop writing.

From that year on, I wrote my heart out.
It breaks my heart that I have just recently started writing again, after almost a year hiatus from the pastime.
I only hope I can continue to try and get back to that kick.
My mother and father look at me as if I can write just about anything and it will be a work of art.
My father keeps EVERY little thing I scratch down on paper, even after I throw it away; he comes back and shows it to me later.
He believes one day I will be someone, and one day the world will see me the way he, my mother, and my 5th grade teacher do.
I would hate to let them down.
Even worse, I'd hate to let me down.

SO yes, this is a random blog, but it's an important one to me, about my emotional pull towards writing.
Yes, I may not be the greatest writer out there, but whatever I write I put as much heart in it as I can muster, and I want to be the best and I want to get back to my old ways.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Whine #1: Merlot

Throughout my entire adolescent life, from the beginning since I ever discovered boys and found them to be more then just "cooties"... I have wanted and longed, as cheesy as it sounds, someone to love.
I'm going on 21. I have still yet to find something along those lines. I have yet to establish that 'feeling', that emotional commitment from someone.. at least mutually. I have been single my entire life, I have never had that tug returned to me.
Now, at this point in my life, less then a month away from my birthday.. I am sort of starting to question if this longing was ever rational. Is that ALL I honestly am seeking out? Love? What the hell IS love anyway? And no.. I honestly don't want to hear any mushy-mush responses that will probably make me gag and/or depress me. I'm happy to know a lot of people have experienced it, and think they know the meaning. The truth is, it's so different for everyone. And I don't want to really deal with all the positive responses when.. I have none to even compare to yours. I'm sorry if that is harsh, but.. it's truly how I feel right now. Love is still something I find magical, don't get me wrong.. but at the same time... the label of having someone love me romantically, and having a boyfriend, and blah blah blah, is starting to seem to distant and pointless. There are more important things in life then just finding someone who will hold my hand, call me beautiful, and kiss me on the cheek. For awhile, that's all I really saw fit in life, that WAS my main goal, almost the point in my life... if I dare say.
Sure, if you think about it, reproducing is generally our main concern for existence, but... I'm young. Why do I want to get it so fast and so badly.
No.. That does not mean I give up. No.. That does not mean I don't want it. No... That does not mean, just... shut up.

I want love. I want a boyfriend. I want the heart tug to be returned.
But.. maybe it never will be, and... that completely terrifies me, and depresses me, and makes me feel like life is so pointless and not worth so much. (In a non-suicidal way, please don't be concerned)
I need to stop thinking that.
I need to be okay with the fact that, I may never get that ONE thing I longed...correction.. long for so terribly.
Love is so cliché if you think about it.
Generally speaking in my own case it would be: Boy meets girl. Girl meets boy. They pine. They chase. They get together, and hey.. if it works out. BAM! Marriage. BAM! Baby. But.. then they just live together, they live together and grow old doing every day things together. They watch TV together, they talk, they eat.. blah blah blah.
I could do ALL of that alone.
So technically... Why is it so bad?
Do I really NEED to focus so much on finding that ONE person.
Yes. I want to.
No. I know I don't need to.
Please.. I don't need preaching on, "Yeah girl, be independent!"
Because...married women CAN be independent… so as much as I appreciate it, right now I just want to rant and rave and not care.
 
Finding that label is not the only thing for me.
It kills me that.. since day one, when boys became an interest.. I have wanted one so bad.
Since day one.. I have never had one.
Since day one.. I've been failing.
Since day one.. I pine and cry.
Since day one.. I feel like it'll never happen.
I see all these girls, some have a lot of potential.. Others I don't quite understand.
Yet, they get the guys.
I think I'm a half decent girl.
Cute personality.
Cute face.
Cute body.
A good amount to offer.
Yet.. I'm alone and...lonely.
I know most people say you have to become content with being single before anything happens. I've tried that.. It lasts for a period of time, and I notice no changes, and bam.. I sink back down to pining.
Is it wrong to pine for the feeling when there is NO one to do the pining for?
Is it disgusting to just want someone? Just selfish?
I don't think so.
We all crave that form of affection, attention, and we all want to give it as well.. even in the slightest.
Yet, sometimes.. I think maybe it IS wrong, selfish, and in a way pathetic.
A lot of others say you should go out and dabble. Just have fun. Kiss without commitment. Date casually. Mindless stupid fun.
Yeah.. I've tried that too. Well... not EXACTLY.. but in some shape I have.
It doesn't work.
At least.. not for me.
I'm not that girl.
Yes, it's fun.. but.. in the back of my head, I'm secretly hoping that it'll turn into something awesome.
That the guy will find out that I'm truly amazing and want to be with me. Now, don't get me wrong. That's not the only reason why I would do that, or continue to do that, but.. sometimes the thought creeps upon you, and you think about it from time to time. You continue to have fun, but you know you want more.. in general, with someone.
Now with the way I did it. There's a little bit more behind why things are complicated, but... in general.. I know that I can't.
I don't do casual. Whether it's with a stranger, or a friend.. It can get messy. I'm not against it. It's enjoyable. It can just get very hard and frustrating from time to time. Especially being a girl like me, who wants romance so badly, to just be loved. So.. casual is not me.
I don't quite understand how it's any girl, not that I'm judging, power to you if you can do it! I just get emotional and over think. I tend to have too much heart and it gets me hurt. Sometimes I wish things weren't like that for me and I COULD do that.. but then again.. I wouldn't be the Tatlyn we all know and hopefully love.
So... The point of this random rant/rambling?
I'm not quite sure.
I just need to get things off my chest, write them down, cry it out, scream it out, something!
I'm tired of waiting!
I'm tired of pining!
There's so much more out there!
A label of a relationship is NOT the most important, biggest thing in my future!
....well.. that's a lie... isn't it?
Why is it a lie?
Because... That IS what I still pine for.
That is what I still am waiting for.
That is still what I want.
But, I don't take back ANYTHING I have mentioned in this blog.
I do believe that it's dumb of me.
I just cant break the habit.

Have you ever wanted something so bad... so bad that it hurt whenever you saw someone else with it.
Have you ever thought you deserved something just as much as the next person.
I'm a beautiful individual. For the first time in years, I am actually able to say that. And I don't want to use the backspace button because I sound cocky. I don't want to erase it, take it back. I'm a beautiful individual. It's true. I deserve love. I want love. I pine for it. I want that mutual feeling. But... at the same time, this beautiful individual is such a moron for not seeing the big picture, even though she clearing has it written out right in front of her, right in front of all of you reading this blog, but she refuses to read her own words.

Friday, April 22, 2011

The beginning...

Once upon a time there was a girl name Tátlyn Miller..
Wait a minute... That's me!
Hi guys! :)
Fair warning, this blog is going to be quite random, maybe a little bit offensive, excessively nerdy, and full of heart.

I love to write, be as deep as possible, and complain non-stop so hopefully I can keep loyal to this site and write as much as I can.
See, I had a blog before... but I never kept up with it, I lost my password, I lost my screen name, and now it's how there lost, alone, and an unwanted orphan.
Sad really, I posted maybe 2 or 3 blogs on it, never really showing it REAL love.

I hope to not abandon this blog and continue to spout out useless information.
Things I'm going to blog about?
Well.. that's a fair question I guess.
Video games, boys, love, worries, life, and random complaints of bitchiness probably.
I can't say anything for sure.
Don't want to drive you all off or promise you things.

So keep an eye on this page if you're truly interested, which you should be... because I'm pretty awesome, not to toot my own horn *toot-toot*

I may OR may not post a random "About Tátlyn blog", not 100% sure yet.
Most of the people reading probably already know me, but.. no one truly knows me completely I guess.. not even myself. Hah.

Alright dearies,
I'm actually typing this in a hurry and have barely any time to be doing this in the first place so really, I must go.
Lots of good wishes!


<3 From me!